Friendship

Not to long ago I came across a description of a genuine friend

" A friend is a treasure who loves you as you are, sees not only who you are but who you can become, is there to catch you when you fall, shares your everyday experiences, accepts your worst but helps you become your best, understands your past, yet believes in your future, accepts you today just as you are, and comes in when the whole world has gone out"

We all need people like this in our life, don't we? However, over the last few months I have come across so many people who tell me that they do not have friends. They will say they have acquaintances, people they know and even hang out with but lack that "ride or die" type of friend. The type of individual who sticks with you no matter what. Even more disturbing, I find that they don't know how to develop deep and lasting bonds with others.

If you have real friends as I have described above, NEVER take that relationship for granted. All genuine friendships must be built and nurtured. And if you are searching for that type of friend, please understand that it will require an investment of time, energy, and vulnerability on your part. The value you place on your friends is evidenced by the way you treat them. I could write a book about why so many don't have real friends in their lives, but instead I want to consider what it takes to develop deep and lasting friendships.

First, friendships require time spent together. If you are too busy to schedule time for a friend that relationship simply will not flourish. It's as simple and straightforward as that.

Second, Communication is essential. Initial conversations focus on learning who the other person is but as the friendship develops, we become more transparent. This is a two way process in which people share thoughts and feelings and listen attentively as we seek to understand the other person. As trust grows, we feel safe to talk about things we have never told anyone else. You can't be real friends with someone you don't speak with.

Third, Shared life experiences. We rejoice over each other's accomplishments and sympathize with the defeats, failures, difficulties, trials and heartaches. In other words, you can laugh and cry together. Friends have a special ability to make us laugh at anything, even ourselves. They comfort us when our hearts are broken and they encourage us to go on when we want to quit.

Finally, true friends demonstrate love. Genuine friendships are characterized by gratitude and thoughtfulness. True friends love by being unselfish and loyal. They are quick to help each other, even if it is inconvenient and won't abandon the other person when everyone else does. Friends accept each other's weaknesses and failures and are quick to forgive offenses.

A word to the wise..... If you want to have a friend like this then BE a friend like this.

If you have one person in your life who demonstrates these characteristics than you are most blessed. If you have more than one then you are one of the wealthiest people to ever live.

My hope and prayer for all of us that we experience the joys of mutual friendship. Life is much more enjoyable with good friends to share it with.

Contentment

" I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." Phillippians 4:11

My travels this week have brought me into contact with many people who are unhappy and generally discontent. One complaint after another. One gripe after another. Making one bad decision after another as folk try to numb the pain caused by the hollow ache of discontentment.

The word contentment used in the scripture verse above focuses on the state of our heart and mind, not our external situation. The state of being content is a spiritual discipline. So often we are pressed toward an attitude of discontent. We look at what others around us have or what we feel is lacking in our own lives. This can happen whether we are dwelling in humble means or enjoying prosperity. The hard truth is that neither having more or less guarantees satisfaction.

The secret to this attitude of being content lies in finding our strength and satisfaction in Jesus Christ alone. We can do all things through Christ. He strengthens us physically, mentally and emotionally. Having the mind of Christ with a determined focus on humility and the eternal destiny will yield contentment. Satisfaction, contentment are not and will not be found in our own achievements, possessions, or circumstances but in the Lord Jesus Christ alone.

I would encourage you to consider the following questions: What might you give up in order to focus on God and His Word? What thought processes do you need to set aside and replace with an attitude of thankfulness for what you have already been given?

The answers will provide you with a map that leads away from the place of discontent.

"Lord, Help us to find our contentment in you"

Let's REALLY screw up 2015

With the dawn of a new year comes the deluge of resolutions, reminders etc. Every year people talk about how they are going to lose weight, use their time wisely, be more productive etc, etc, so on and so forth. Well,  I'm going to do something different. I'm going to tell you how to regress in the coming year. That's right. I'm going to share with you a tried and true recipe for disaster in 2015 so you can REALLY screw it up.

Here we go:

1. Worry a lot. Let's all start our worrying earlier in the morning and intensify our energy that we give to anxiety as the day passes. If you need stuff to help you worry, check the news, on tv or the Internet. The bad news, doomsday reports, and calamities should be enough to get you churning all day and through the night. Also, reflect on your failures and mistakes. That always enhances our worrying. To add a touch of variety, think a lot about the things you should not have done. Regret is great fuel for worry. If that's not enough, cogitate on what you don't like about your girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend, spouse,  partner etc. And don't forget to hang out with negative people. They spread worry like germs.

2. Make plans with unrealistic expectations. Hey, Why not! Let's chisel our plans in stone. Forget the fact that life often takes us down unexpected and sometimes unpleasant paths.

3. Compare yourself with others. Do this and you will spend much of the new year ricocheting between the extremes of arrogance and discouragement. Not only that, we will spend another year not knowing who we are. If external beauty is your thing, make sure you spend a lot of time in the check out lines in supermarkets looking at the rags that show guys who have more muscles that the Incredible Hulk or women who are incredibly beautiful.

4. Keep your focus on money. Spend your time constantly trying to get more money. Make sure you ignore the advice of people like wise Solomon who wrote " Don't wear yourself out trying to get rich. Be wise enough to know when to quit. In the blink of an eye wealth disappears, for it will sprout wings and fly away like an eagle" (Proverbs 23:4-5) What did he know about consequences, money, and wisdom?

5. Lengthen your list of enemies. Playing the blame game will really screw you up in 2015. With an arsenal full with suspicion, paranoia, and resentment you can waste a lot of time rehearsing your feelings of resentment as you stew over people who have pissed you off and made your life miserable. By the way make sure to tell as many people as you can how they have made you miserable. You can count on that word to spread....exponentially. A sure fire way to make enemies and destroy friendships.

So, there we have it. Five time tested time wasters that can really screw up your new year. But who wants to do this? So let's move in the right direction. Beware of the people and things that waste your time. Instead of worrying, pray! Be flexible, give more, be content with the way God made you. Let forgiveness loosen your grip on the grudges you hold. In other words, let's make 2015 our most productive year ever.

That's my plan! I hope that you will make it yours!

SUCCESS

Yesterday was a REALLY bad day. I mean it was especially bad. It was of those days that historians will one day write about. I literally could do nothing right. It all went wrong by the numbers. Aggravation was 5 steps above where I was.  I successfully connected ALL of the stupidity dots.  I did that which I knew not to do. I said that which I knew not to say. I went places where I knew I should not go.  I absolutely, totally and completely pissed everybody off including myself.  I screwed stuff up in amazingly creative ways. People I hadn’t spoken to or seen in years called me to let me know how mad they were at me. The dog ate my sandwich (third time in three months). It was like I couldn’t do right even if I wanted to. My new car got scratched. I was repeatedly referred to as gross and disgusting. I was lied on, cheated, talked about  and mistreated.

But all that was yesterday. Given that I made it to today I’m going to call yesterday a SUCCESS!

SHOOK

I feel shook every time I close my eyes and travel to the place in the back of my mind and run to the place I'm afraid to climb...'

Thinking about all the thing that I haven't done, have left to do, want to do, afraid to do. When I think of of all the things that can negatively impact me. When I think of all the things that I have absolutely no control over. When I think of all the things that could go wrong.  When my thinking follows this pattern I get 'shook'. I get nervous, unsure, fearful, uncertain. But then I remember that my God, the sovereign creator of the Universe says Don't Worry! Don't be fearful! If you will simply align yourself under my authority, then I got it. I will take care of everything, I've got you covered.  What a Promise! So this year I will purpose to humble myself, and align my actions, thoughts, decisions and leadership under the overarching viewpoint and authority of God. I can then run to the place I'm afraid to climb... with great confidence because He is already there, been there, waiting for me to get there so we can conquer this thing called life.

There is nothing special about me.... I just believe the promise.

If you are reading this, are you 'Shook'?

A Servant’s Heart: True Leadership

What make a great  leader? Is it Rank, Status, Celebrity, Clout, Style.  Is leadership automatically bestowed by a box on an organizational  chart?  No! I submit to you that  leadership demands Service, Sacrifice and Selflessness. A proud and self-promoting person is not, cannot and will not be a good leader no matter how much clout he/she has. The greatest leaders will have a servant’s heart. They will exemplify sacrifice. These are not characteristics that most people associate with leadership but they are absolutely essential in order to influence people and establish trust.   Intelligent people will not follow people they do not trust. A true leader inspires followers.

Again, I maintain that leadership demands a servant’s heart. Let me be clear. It is by no means the case that everyone with a servant’s heart is thereby a leader. To put it simply, leadership is influence. The ideal leader is someone whose life and character motivate people to follow. The best and greatest kind of leadership derives its authority from the force of character and example,  not merely power, prestige or personality. Real leadership seeks to motivate people from the inside, by an appeal to the heart not by external pressure and coercion. It is because of this that I believe leadership is not about style or technique. It’s ALL about character. Character yields trust. Trust allows you to positively influence others.

In my life I have had the privilege to work under several great leaders. I have compiled a list of characteristics that I believe were crucial to the effectiveness of their leadership. They are as follows:

A Great Leader:

1.       Is Trustworthy

2.       Takes the Initiative

3.       Uses Good Judgment

4.       Speaks with Authority

5.       Empowers Others

6.       Strengthens Others

7.       Is Optimistic

8.       Is Enthusiastic

9.       Never compromises the non-negotiables (His/her Values)

10.   Leads by example

11.   Cultivates Loyalty

12.   Pays attention to the details

13.   Has empathy for others

14.   Maintains a clear conscience

15.   Is Decisive

16.   Does not abuse His/Her authority

17.   Does not abdicate their role in the face of opposition

18.   Knows His/Her Limitations

19.   Is Passionate

20.   Is Resilient

21.   Is Discerning

22.   Uses Time Wisely

23.   Is Disciplined

24.   Knows How to Delegate

25.   Demonstrates care for His/her followers

These are not in any particular order but all are character traits that allow leaders to influence others. To those of you who aspire to any type of leadership, Take heed. It is your character that gives you entrance to the place where you can lead others.

#WhenIRuletheWorld

Those of you who follow me on Twitter know that I use a hashtag called #wheniruletheworld. When I use it it refers to something that I see in our world that needs changing. While in my study recently, I began to reflect upon my life. Upon that reflection, I saw my accomplishments and failures. But what troubled me most were the things that I could have done. The things that were within my grasp that I gave up on because of fear, lack of effort, time etc. These thoughts were with me for days. I found it interesting that I often consider what I would make others do when I rule the world when of far greater importance is what I am doing to rule my OWN world. Thinking more about this, I realized that the question really is "Am I willing to put forth the effort? Am I willing to do that which is necessary to effect the change I want to see in my own life? With the realization that there are likely more days behind me than ahead I've decided to go for it. I'm determined that I will make the maximum effort, to do that which is required, to ask and answer is it "I can't" or is it "I won't". I'm determined to overcome the obstacles. I'm determined not to run but to stand my ground before my fears and fight the fights that need fighting to reach the place that I want/need to be. I feel like Rocky training for one of his fights (they always look soooo painful).

I'm beginning a new journey and I'm excited by it.

I'll let you know #whenIruleMYworld.